Friday Funnies


odocoileus's picture
odocoileus
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After 12: Cool Story, Bro, But I'm No Expert on Cool Stories. Let's Call the LAPD and See What They Think!

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed

Go afield with a good attitude, with respect for the wildlife you hunt and for the forest and fields in which you walk.  Immerse yourself in the outdoor experience. It will cleanse your soul and make you a better person. -Fred Bear-
 

odocoileus's picture
odocoileus
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Failbook: Decidedly Not a Nicki Minaj Fan

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed

Go afield with a good attitude, with respect for the wildlife you hunt and for the forest and fields in which you walk.  Immerse yourself in the outdoor experience. It will cleanse your soul and make you a better person. -Fred Bear-
 

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MathewsZman
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 More Big J , The Early Years  2002

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

odocoileus's picture
odocoileus
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Autocowrecks: GOD MOM LEAVE ME ALONE

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed

Go afield with a good attitude, with respect for the wildlife you hunt and for the forest and fields in which you walk.  Immerse yourself in the outdoor experience. It will cleanse your soul and make you a better person. -Fred Bear-
 

MathewsZman's picture
MathewsZman
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Big J , The Middle Years 2012

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

odocoileus's picture
odocoileus
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Failbook: DAMMIT, THREEPIO

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed

Go afield with a good attitude, with respect for the wildlife you hunt and for the forest and fields in which you walk.  Immerse yourself in the outdoor experience. It will cleanse your soul and make you a better person. -Fred Bear-
 

MathewsZman's picture
MathewsZman
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Joined: 8/2/10

Big J , The Golden Years 2052

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

Walleye Whisperer's picture
Walleye Whisperer
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Joined: 12/7/09

  Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
 

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Meelosh
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Joined: 5/26/06

That Starwars FB one is hysterical. I really admire the dedication the guy had just to make a joke.

Is it impious to weigh goose music and art in the same scales? I think not, because the true hunter is merely a noncreative artist. Who painted the first picture on a bone in the caves of France? A hunter. Who alone in our modern life so thrills to the sight of living beauty that he will endure hunger and thirst and cold to feed his eye upon it? The hunter. Who wrote the great hunter's poem about the sheer wonder of the wind, the hail, and the snow, the stars, the lightnings, and the clouds, the lion, the deer, and the wild goat, the raven, the hawk, and the eagle, and above all the eulogy to the horse? Job, one of the great dramatic artists of all time. Poets sing and hunters scale the mountains primarily for one and the same reason--the thrill of beauty. Critics write and hunters outwit their game primarily for one and the same reason--to reduce that beauty to possession. The differences are largely matters of degree, consciousness, and that sly arbiter of the classification of human activities, language. If, then, we can live without goose music, we may as well do away with stars, or sunsets, or Iliads. But the point is we would be fools to do away with any of them. 

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MathewsZman
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guywhofishes singing to yelowjackt at the 50th annual Jedi Classic in 2060

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

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WormWiggler
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Joined: 8/29/09

                                                                                                                         

ugly dogs's picture
ugly dogs
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Joined: 9/19/06


Still my favorite

ugly dogs's picture
ugly dogs
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bugle1up
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Joined: 1/19/10
CZ550's picture
CZ550
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Joined: 3/27/02

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist.
He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.
I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a Rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

CZ550's picture
CZ550
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Joined: 3/27/02

> My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.
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> As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
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> So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"

CZ550's picture
CZ550
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Joined: 3/27/02

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in Bozeman , Montana , while waiting for their respective flights...

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East . Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many.... but sadly, now we are few.'

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'

The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl,

I reckon that's 'cuz we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet But I do believe it's a-comin'.

yelowjackt's picture
yelowjackt
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Joined: 8/31/05


"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"
...People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome !?!
Jig-em-Up Guide Service | Grand Forks, ND | 701-739-9198 jig-em-up-guide-service.com

 

 

severance's picture
severance
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Joined: 4/14/11

yelowjackt Said:

i want this

Colt's picture
Colt
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Joined: 10/27/10

Wife leaves note on refridgerator:

I'm leaving, this just isn't working.

I open the door, the light comes on and the beer is cold.

What the hell is she talking about?

yelowjackt's picture
yelowjackt
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The FBO creedo...


"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"
...People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome !?!
Jig-em-Up Guide Service | Grand Forks, ND | 701-739-9198 jig-em-up-guide-service.com

 

 

MathewsZman's picture
MathewsZman
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Wife leaves note on fridge : Thaw duck !

Couldn't resist , penned in : Thaw one too !

HMM , wonder what's for supper ?

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

Sotaman's picture
Sotaman
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Joined: 5/6/03

How about the add for single Muslim Woman now on FBO....   some one go to singlemuslim.com and let me know how it goes

I Would Rather Be ______ing

Trent (Sotaman) Thomas 
MathewsZman's picture
MathewsZman
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Got you signed up Trent . Your password and user name are Sotaman -I AM

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

Sotaman's picture
Sotaman
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GREENHORN
Joined: 5/6/03

did you use the righ email address.  I figured my computer would be blowing up with responses..

I Would Rather Be ______ing

Trent (Sotaman) Thomas 
MathewsZman's picture
MathewsZman
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Maybe I filled in the blanks wrong , I know there weren't any vowels in the questionaire I filled out ,* zyxyzxxy

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

yelowjackt's picture
yelowjackt
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GREENHORN
Joined: 8/31/05

It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but are actually suppose to represent members of the family… I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.


"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"
...People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome !?!
Jig-em-Up Guide Service | Grand Forks, ND | 701-739-9198 jig-em-up-guide-service.com

 

 

yelowjackt's picture
yelowjackt
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"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"
...People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome !?!
Jig-em-Up Guide Service | Grand Forks, ND | 701-739-9198 jig-em-up-guide-service.com

 

 

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Harch
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PikePits's picture
PikePits
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Joined: 10/16/09

So I get too work at 3pm. First customer in line is Wicker. So I says to him: Wicker; you hunting grouse tommorrow. Replies; "Yes; but there is no water." Scenting could be tough.". Dog's might have a tough time.

One step at a time...Be careful.

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