Friday Funnies


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CZ550
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The Pickle Slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife
that he had a terrible compulsion. He had this urge to stick his
penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should
see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd
be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen.
His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge
to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

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Sometimes what is going through your head, should stay in your head!

Only crooked politicians fear armed citizens.

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I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

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ugly dogs Said:

Hahahahah,  that cop smoked his dumb ass,  I could watch this for hours

                                                                                                                         

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WormWiggler Said:

ugly dogs Said:

Hahahahah,  that cop smoked his dumb ass,  I could watch this for hours

Is that what you call whoop Assss.   That shot would make the highlight reel on any NFL game

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A few years back when we were in church the minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood up and asked for any requests for the closing song, not being willing to pass that one up I bellowed out, nearly laughing, Lets sing 'Shall We Gather at the River!!.'

Ya we don't go to that church anymore....

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my new favorite.

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Good shtuff.

Born to hunt and fish... Forced to work!

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I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

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Missing person
Boy on the milk carton style
Last seen wearing a honey yellow sleeveless t , purchasing water softener salt at a local economy store , screaming your all so VANILLIA and
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If you've seen me don't approach but notify authorities please
5-19-05 River Eyes

I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

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MathewsZman
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I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

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Your welcome.

I dont go around guessing cup sizes either I just know a nice rack when I see one.

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Gee thanks DB , now I'm going to have to wait an hour or more before I leave my desk
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I don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits; so I am not an alcoholic... I am spiritual
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the 
Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!" .

 

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doublebarrelsaloon Said:
Your welcome.

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Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...  


Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark  said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.


"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.


"Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."    
And they did.


"Now we eat everybody."  
And they did.


When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?   Why did we swim around and around them?"


His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"  
 


No need to thank me.  I just try to learn something new every day.

Neat

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“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” ~ Mark Twain

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